


And you will beg for death before the end

by hurtleturtle



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurtleturtle/pseuds/hurtleturtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the last episode, and Carmilla's threat to kill the next one of them who gets near her. Inspired by a theory on tumblr that Laura has some kind of illness that means she won't live very long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And you will beg for death before the end

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this tumblr post that my friend sent me because she likes to share angsty things: http://seductioneyescarmilla.tumblr.com/post/128938645337/bnaz-susiephone-new-theory-laura-has-an
> 
> I might continue this if people are interested. My tumblr is hurtleturtle.tumblr.com

Laura couldn’t believe how badly everything had gone. She’d never expected Danny to actually kill Mattie, and she had never thought that she would actually lose Carmilla for good. There was just no way that Carmilla was ever going to forgive her. Laura might as well have killed Mattie herself.

  
So she found herself wandering the campus, a heavy, emptiness where he heart was supposed to be. This was so much worse than just breaking up with Carmilla, and Laura felt like this, she could never recover from. All the chaos of the semester seemed to have died with the fish god, and campus was quiet––eerily quiet. Laura kept expecting something to happen, and she would have welcomed the distraction, but everything was still.

  
As she neared the forest at the edge of campus, Laura heard a rustling in the trees. Her heart hammered a little faster as she peered into the foliage, trying to see what was making the noise. The rustling was getting louder––there was something big in the trees, there had to be, to be making such loud noises. Laura wanted to run, but she was frozen to the spot, her feet feeling as though they were stuck in cement. She didn’t even have the chance to scream as something large and black sprung out from the trees and slammed into her, knocking her to the ground and forcing the air from her lungs.

  
“Carm,” Laura choked, looking up at the black panther that was crouched over her, its teeth bared. Laura struggled to regain her breath, especially as her heart kept beating faster and faster, fear taking over. Carmilla had said that the next time Laura or any of her friends came near her, Carmilla would kill them. Laura knew that the Carmilla that had been in love with her would never harm her, but Laura didn’t know if that Carmilla was in there anymore.

  
“Carm, if you’re going to kill me, just do it!” Laura shouted finally, angry and scared. But, she thought, if this was how she went, it wouldn’t be the worst. It would be better than the death Laura knew awaited her otherwise, and at least Laura felt like she deserved to die like this. At least she could give Carmilla a taste of revenge––one last gift to the broody vampire. “Just kill me, Carm,” Laura said, her voice changing to sound more like a plea. “It’s not like I’m going to live much longer anyway, just do it!”

  
Those words seemed to have a physical impact on the panther. It shrank back, away from Laura, the form shifting and changing, until Carmilla sat there, just a few feet from Laura, crouched down, her hands on the ground in front of her. “What did you say?” Carmilla asked, her voice a dangerous whisper.

  
“I said, just kill me,” Laura repeated, conflicted now that she was faced with Carmilla the girl and not Carmilla the panther. Now, she didn’t feel quite so brave as she asked for death.

  
“No, you said you didn’t have much longer to live. What do you mean?” Carmilla was silently cursing herself. What was it about this girl? This stupid, naive, selfish girl? After everything she’d done, and everything she’d caused, Carmilla still cared for her.

  
Laura shook her head. She was angry with herself for having said anything. Maybe, if she’d just kept her mouth shut, Carmilla would have killed her, and they wouldn’t have to have this little heart to heart. But Laura knew that Carmilla wasn’t going to do anything, at least not until Laura answered her question. So she spoke, avoiding meeting Carmilla’s eyes the whole time.

  
“I’m going to die, Carm. Whether it’s in a few weeks or a few years, I don’t know. I have the same disease my mom did, and it’s going to kill me the same way it did her. I’ve got a tumor in my brain. It’s small, last time they checked, but they can’t remove it, and it’s getting bigger. It’s going to keep getting bigger until it starts to mess with everything about me. I won’t even be myself anymore. And then, when there’s pretty much nothing left of the person I was, it’ll finally get big enough to kill me.”

  
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Carmilla asked, her voice still barely louder than a whisper. She couldn’t believe herself. Listening to Laura tell her that she was going to die felt like someone was stabbing Carmilla with a white-hot knife. Carmilla cared too much for this girl, and she was going to lose her. Just like she’d lost Ell, just like she’d lost Will, just like she’d lost Mattie. Maybe Carmilla was a monster after all, doomed to lose everyone that she ever felt close to.

  
“Because, I’m sick of everyone treating me differently! My dad, treating me like I was made of glass, ever since my mom died! Always trying to protect me, even if it meant keeping me locked up! I told Danny about it last year, and then you saw how she got. She wanted to do everything for me, or talk me out of doing things. I just want to be allowed to live, and really enjoy myself without being reminded that I’m going to die!” Laura was crying now, her voice getting more frantic as the tears ran down her cheeks. “So I didn’t tell you, because I wanted to know what it was like to fall in love with someone, and to actually feel hopeful about the future. It was nice, to actually get to think about the future, and sharing it with someone. I didn’t count on fucking it all up so badly.”

  
Carmilla felt like someone was actively ripping at her heart. As furious as she’d been with Laura–– _as furious as she still was_ , she reminded herself––Carmilla hated hearing this from the girl she’d grown to love. _Love_ , she thought, turning the word into a curse in her head. All _love_ ever did was get Carmilla hurt. She’d loved Ell, and mother had turned Ell against her. She’d loved Mattie, and she’d watched, she’d held her sister in her arms as she died. And she’d loved Laura, but Laura had betrayed her in the worst way possible. Carmilla didn’t know what she felt for Laura anymore, but the thought of watching Laura die too was almost as painful as remembering that her sister was gone forever.


End file.
